Thanksgiving Story-1


Floy's jumping
Floy's jumping

Usually, Thanksgiving is a happy day because the family is together. But that was before my husband’s passing. His birthday was November 28, and it often fell on Thanksgiving. Even though he has been passed away for a long time, it is still hard for us to celebrate Thanksgiving, especially my youngest daughter, who happens to be born on the same date as her father.

I was careful last year to try to cheer her up and avoid anything that would remind her of her father. At Thanksgiving dinner, I suggest that each of us say something about the past year that deserves our gratitude to our family members. It went very well, but it was her turn to share her appreciation. She spoke for only a minute and then burst into tears. It took her a long time to stop crying and say her thanks.

The day after Thanksgiving, we had lunch and dinner parties to celebrate her birthday. I noticed how hard she tried to look happy in front of us, but her swollen eyes told me she must have cried the night before. This was the first time, after all these years, I felt I should help her. What could I do? I can’t raise her father from the dead. I can’t change her birthday. The worst part is that every birthday she remembers her dad, who shared her birthday with her. How could she not be sad! I am usually very helpful and encouraging, but I have no idea what to do about my daughter’s unhappy birthday. I kept thinking about how I could help her. All of a sudden, I was reminded of a little girl I had seen crying on the street, hopelessly waiting for me to pick her up.

Ring-ring-ring! The telephone rang, but it sounded unusually urgent. I picked up the phone, and the principal of my daughter’s school was on the other line. He introduced himself. He sounded so cold, and right away, my heart dropped. Continuing, he told me that my daughter broke school rules and that she would be stripped of her captaincy on the cheer team. He wanted me to pick her up. I was so shocked. How could it be? She was such a good girl; why would she receive such a horrible punishment? With all the questions in my head, I rushed to her school.

There, I saw a little girl standing there, shaking and crying. I couldn’t believe that this was the same happy girl I brought to school three hours ago. Where was that happy girl? When I opened the door for her to get into the car, I couldn’t help but cry. She continued to cry as she got into the car; in between crying and talking, she explained to me what had happened. She and a friend, Eric, were student representatives monitoring the lunch door, and only seniors could go off campus for lunch. There was a junior, and all of his friends were seniors. He begged my daughter and Eric to let him through so he could eat lunch with his friends. Seeing his sadness, my daughter and Eric tried to help him. They wrote him a pass to go off campus, but the boy was caught. My daughter and Eric were called to the principal’s office, and Eric shifted all the responsibility to her. The principal made the decision, without discussing it with administrators and counselors, and gave her the most severe punishment: he removed her title on the cheer team.

I remember that Friday afternoon. After listening to what had transpired, I was quite upset. I called the principal to make an appointment with him, administrators, and counselors on the following Monday. Of course, I would not give in to or accept this unfair decision made by the principal alone.

On Saturday morning, we drove the car to the church mountain. While my husband was driving, I closed my eyes, and I had no idea how I could help my daughter. Not only did I have no idea what I could do, but I also had no idea how I could do it. Somehow, I felt that I needed to connect to the high divinity, to a higher power. All of a sudden, an apparition appeared in front of me like a TV screen. I saw scene after scene about how we worked hard back and forth, countless times, I took her out of school early and drove her for two and a half hours to receive a special training. She then won the competition one after another and finally got her dream position as a cheer captain.

After seeing those scenes, I was enlightened. I knew how to handle Monday’s meeting. Right before I entered the principal’s office, I saw the sign: “Home of the Children.” I couldn’t help but smile, and I looked up to the sky. I said, “I understand now. I know how to fight this battle.”

They were surprised to see that I was coming alone (my husband was busy at that time.) and that the principal was defiant and seemed proud of his decision. I didn’t waste any time asking almost immediately for their explanation after thanking them for meeting with me. The school calls itself the “Home of the Children.” As a family, the principal, counselors, administrators, and teachers should be the parents of the family. They didn’t know why I started like this, but they couldn’t say no, so I went on and said, “Kids do make mistakes at home because that’s how they grow up. They learn from their mistakes. As a parent, you can only guide them and let them learn from mistakes and learn what is right and what is wrong. The relationship between parents and children is love. You have to guide them through love. Of course, you can punish them, but that should be after the communication with the child, find out the cause of the problem, and understand why he or she did so, you then know how to guide your kid. I’m sorry to tell you that I don’t see the love that parents give to their children in your house, and I only know that you can’t wait to deliver the most severe punishment to your kid without giving her the chance to explain to you. Let alone to give yourself time to counsel with an administrator and student counselor.

The principal felt attacked and he said that my daughter shouldn’t have allowed the junior student to go out for lunch. I asked him, “Do you know why?” He couldn’t answer. I explained to him, “It all comes down to the compassion my daughter holds for her classmates. She sympathized that he didn’t have that many chances to have lunch with his senior friends. Maybe at that moment, my daughter’s emotion overwhelmed her, and she allowed him to go out. She knows now that it is wrong, and she has asked for forgiveness. She has gone through so much already, psychologically, and physically. She couldn’t eat nor sleep, she kept crying, and she got a stomachache. Isn’t this punishment enough? The school is an educational organization. The purpose is to teach and guide students on the right path with love. Give them a chance to correct their mistakes. Besides, those who commit crimes in adult society have the opportunity to plead before being sentenced.”

My daughter was a junior at the time. She wasn’t even an adult, but when she made a mistake in school, she was treated less than an adult. All she got was the judgment and punishment once she was called into the principal’s office. I know my daughter well. She is very friendly and always wants to help others. She often went to teachers’ offices, asking if they needed help. Can you imagine a junior begging and pleading to her about how he would no longer have any chances to have lunch with his friends? So she gave him the pass because she understood how he felt. She didn’t gain anything from letting him out. She made this mistake for being kind and loving. Didn’t you think of that?

For the last few years, I tried my best to arrange my time, and my daughter worked so hard for her dream so that she could receive her position. I couldn’t help but cry up on that church mountain after watching that apparition. I spent many years building her to become a leader. But it was all destroyed within several minutes with an innocent mistake. With the rash decision made by the principal, her dreams were crushed. The worse part was that she lost her confidence in herself and helping others through love. This was such an unjust punishment. Where was the love of the school towards students? Where was the love of the teachers towards the kids? Where was the love in this family of children?

To be continued…

感恩节在我的丈夫去世前总是非常开心的日子。因他的生日就在十一月二十八日刚好在感恩节前后但是,从他离开到现在己经12年,对我们的全家过感恩节便有点辛苦了,尤其是我的小女儿,刚巧她和她父亲的生日同一天。

去年我特别小心,尽量要让她开心,也避开做任何会提醒她想起,她的父亲的话题。在感恩节晚餐,我建议我们每个人说出过去一年来值得每个人对家庭成员感恩的事,本来大家开开心心的说。进行得非常顺利,但是轮到她分享她的感恩,只讲了一分钟又忍不住哭了。她花了很长一段时间才停止哭泣,把感恩的话说完。

感恩节之后第二天,我们有午餐和晚餐聚会庆祝她的生日。我注意到她在我们的前面很努力装得很开心的样子,但看她微肿的眼晴便知道她前一天一定哭了我不能叫她的父亲死里复活,我又不能改变她生日。最糟糕的是,她每年过生日就会想起与她同一天生日的爸爸,怎么可能不伤心呢!。通常我很会帮助人鼓励人,但是,对我女儿过生日伤心的事,我束手无策也不知道怎么办才好。我一直在想怎样才能帮助她。突然,我想起了一个小女孩,我看到她在街上哭,绝望地等着我去接她。

我收到了女儿上课的高中学校校长的电话,他用非常冰冷令人不寒而栗的语气告诉我,我的女儿违犯了学校的规则,她啦啦队队长头衔被取消,要我马上去接她因她被罚提前下课。一接到电话我吓呆了,天呀!这怎么可能,她是一个好女孩,她为什么会受到这样的惩罚。带着满脑袋的问号,我赶到学校。我看见一个小女孩站在那里一边发抖一边哭,我简直不敢相信这是同一个我三个钟头前带去学校上课的快乐女孩!那快乐的小女孩在那里了?当我告诉她上车时情不自禁流下眼泪!

上车后她一直哭,并告诉我在学校了什么事。她和埃里克(二个人都是学校代表)午餐时间看守学校大门,只让高三学生出去吃午饭(因为是他们在学校最后一年他们才能享这特权),有一个高二学生因他好朋友都是高三生,求他们让他出去与他的高三朋友吃午饭。我女儿一向对人友好,她和埃里克写了“通行证” ”让他也出去校外与他朋友一起吃午饭。不幸的是,他被一名老师抓到。然后,她和埃里克被叫到校长室,埃里克把一切责任都推给她。校长当场(没有与教务长及学生顾问讨论)就竟自作主的给她最严厉的惩罚:就是剥夺她辛苦努力选上的啦啦队长的头衔与职位。

我记得很清楚,那是星期五下午,听了我的女儿告诉我所发生的故事后。我很生气立刻打电话给校长,要求下周一与他,教务长及学生顾问见面。我当然不会同意及接受他这样一个人独自对我女儿作的不合理的决定。

第二天我们开车去教堂的山上,我的丈夫驾驶,我闭上眼睛,寻求神的帮助。突然,好像是电视画面出现在我的面前,一幕幕让我看见我们是如何辛苦的来回奔波,数不清有多少次,我带她从学校提早出来,并开车2小时半将她变成另一个学校接受她所需要的培训,多少的辛劳及努力,她一关接着一关赢了竞争者才在学校得到啦啦队长的职位。看到这些影像好像电影一样出现在我眼前,我有点开启知道要如何应付星期一的会议。

就在我进入学校辧公室前,突然我看到了学校的标志〝孩童之家”(我的孩子的家)我笑了起来我告诉神性,我明白了。我相信我已得到神性的智慧,也知道如何打好这场战了。

他们一点地看到,我只一个人来(我先生较忙所以都是我负责家中的大小事),校长更是一付目中无人也似乎很自豪他的判决。我没有浪费任何时间,一进去便开门见山的感谢学校给我一个机会与他们见面,不过我有一个问题,需要他门帮我解释。学校自称是是“孩童之家”。作为一个家庭,校长,教务长及学生顾问及老师应该是这个家的家长吧!他们不清楚我为什么如此开始,但又不能说不是,我便继续说了“在家中孩子难免做错事,因为这是他们的成长过程,由错误中学习成长,作父母的从旁教导,让他们由这个错误的行动中,学习到其中的对与错,不是吗?

父母与子女的关系便是爱,由爱中指导,当然可以去惩罚,但你必须在与孩子沟通以后,发现问题的原因,了解他为什么会如此作,你才知道如何开导不是吗?既是〝孩童之家”这件事上我很抱歉,我没看到在你们这一家中父母给孩子的爱,而只看到你迫不急待的一个人独断独行的给了我女儿最可怕的判决”。

校长这时好似喊冤似的辨白「可是她不可让高二学生出去呀!」「你知道为什么呢?」他答不出来。我告诉他是担心对那同学的爱,同情他没有多少机会与高三的好朋友在一起吃饭了,才一下子感情超过了理智,允许他出去。当然她也作错也认错了,何况在这件事上她也受够了精神上及身体上(吃不下,睡不好,经常流泪而且肚子痛不停)的惩罚难道还不够吗?我又专家学校更是一个教育机构,目的应该是在爱心中教导指正孩子,给他们机会改正错误。何况在成人的社会犯罪的人,在被判决前还有申辩的机会呢!

当我女儿,她尚未成年,当她做好件错事。不但没有给她机会解释,而且马上给她判决!我了解我的女儿,她非常友善,经常想帮助人,她也常去办公室帮忙老师。你可以想像在那时候,当那高二学生求她,并表示,他没有太多机会再与他高三朋友一起吃午饭,她让他出去。这完全是因为她爱那同学。知道,她没有得到任何好处,只因为爱而作错了事你没想到这点呢?

我继续告诉他们,我是如何和女儿在这几年来辛苦朝着女儿的梦想,一步的往前而至终她被选上她现在所在的位置。我把这情景一幕幕的叙述出来,时而渗杂着我忍不住的哭泣声,我告诉他们,我花了这么多年,塑造她成为一个领导者,却被人在几分钟内破坏,因为一个不经意的过失,被校长匆忙几分钟内的决定,而打破了一个小女孩经营多年梦想。她现在无法睡觉,也吃不下饭,更糟糕的是对于爱和帮助人己经失掉了信心,这是何等不公平的惩罚。在哪里?学校的老师们对孩子们的爱在哪里?孩童之家的爱又在哪里呢?

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