Posts tagged video

Joke and Funny Video

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Do you laugh today?

 I hope the joke and video will make your day (or At least make you Smile).

The jokes is sent to me by my friend.

Speeding!

A woman driver is speeding along the highway, when suddenly she gets stopped by a police car which instructs her to pull over.

Woman: “Is there a problem, Officer?”

Officer: “Ma’am, you were speeding.”Woman: “Oh, I see.”

Officer: “Can I see your license please?”

Woman: “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”

Officer: “Don’t have one?”

Woman: “Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.”

Officer: “I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.”

Woman: “I can’t do that.”

Officer: “Why not?”

Woman: “I stole this car.”

Officer: “Stole it?”

Woman: “Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.”

Officer: “You what?”

Woman: “His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.”

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Sargent: “Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!”

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: “Is there a problem sir?”

Sergeant: “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”

Woman: “Murdered the owner?”

Sergeant: “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.”

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Sergeant: “Is this your car, ma’am?”

Woman: “Yes, here are the registration papers.”

The first officer is stunned.

Sergeant: “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Sergeant: “Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.”

Woman: “I bet the bastard will say I was speeding too.”

 

Pregnant Little Girl

 

Joke and Video

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joke and video were from my friend’s email.

Subject: Chinese Names – Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan.
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan (someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s
this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then
the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I’m Saw Lee. (sorry)

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
………………………………………………………………
Adorable 3 year old is very happy to dance!

My dream is to make people happy because I am happy. Are you happy?
我的夢想是看到我快樂人都幸福。你幸福嗎? (8:07)

Joke and Funny Videos

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Videos and joke were from my friend’s email.

Try it Free.

A water Bed in a German furniture store. Note that the sign says NOT to get on the bed,
but oh well..the best way to motivate people to do something is to put up a sign saying

“Don’t……..!”
Turn on speakers and watch people trying out the water bed.
It’s in German, but that only makes it funnier.
Watch for the last two ladies !

A daughter is visiting her father.
She: “Hey Dad, I didn’t ask you yet, but how do you like the new IPad we gave you yesterday as a birthday present?”
He: “I like.”
She: “You cool with handling the apps?”
He: “Hm…? What apps? Could you step aside, please?”
He: “What?”

Cell phone etiquette
After a very busy, tiring day at her office, a young woman settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the commuter train’s door closed.As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice, “Hi sweetheart, it’s Eric, I’m on the train. Yes, I know it’s the six-thirty and not the four-thirty, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with that floozy from the accountants’ office, it was with my boss. Sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart,…” etc., etc.Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. The young woman had reached the end of her endurance, so she yelled, “Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off, and come back to bed!”Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer.

Jokes

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Hilarious video!

Jokes were from my friend’s e-mail

Lady on phone “Sir, I want to meet and talk to you. You are the father of one of my kids.”
Man is stunned and says:
“Oh my God!”
Are you Jessica?
No.
Pamela?
No.
Anna?
No.
Christina?
No.
Joelle?
No.
Elissa?
No.


……….
Lady in confusion:
“Sir, I am the class teacher of your son”.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
A new patient arrived at the local health centre and the receptionist was taking
down some details. “What is your age Mr. Jones” she enquired. “I’m not telling
you” came the reply. “We need to know for our records” said the receptionist
sternly. “Okay take the number 26 and double it and then add 14″ said Mr. Jones”.
“That equals 66” said the receptionist. “Now take 66 away from that figure and what do you have”
Mr. Jones retorted. “Zero” said the receptionist looking rather puzzled.
“Exactly, and that is what chance you have got of me letting you know my age”.
…………………………………………………………………………………
Man: God?
God: Yes?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Of course!
Man: What’s a million years to you?
God: A second.
Man: And a million dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, can I have a penny?
God: Yes, just wait a second.
…………………………………………………………………………………
A woman went into a bank in London wishing to loan £3,000 for one month.
The loan officer said that he would require collateral.
The woman says “I have a Ferrari; here are a set of keys.Keep it until I repay the
loan”. The loan is authorized and the Ferrari driven away for safe keeping.
The woman returns one month  later, pays the £3,000 loan together with
£20 interest and the car is returned to her.
Clearly puzzled, the loan officer says to her “With respect, madam, I don’t
understand why someone like you who owns a Ferreri would need to borrow
£3,000″. “Well” she replied “I needed to go to the United States for 4 weeks and tell me,
where in London can you store a Ferrari for £20 a month?”.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
A letter from “school”
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
A week later….. A letter from “home”
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

.

                   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY   JULY  4TH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Last Knit-Lesson of “Letting Go”

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I would like to share with you a remarkable short film – “The Last Knit.”
It was produced in Finland in 2005. Even though there is no dialogue in the film, it carries a deep and profound message. I call it the lesson of “letting go.”

The film starts with a woman who appears to be at a comfortable stage in her life.  The woman sits down on a chair and starts to knit a beautiful, colorful scarf. The scarf represents the power, fame and money that she is determined to achieve in life. As time passes, the more she accomplishes, the more ambitious she becomes. It would be easy for her to pick up her scissors to cut the string and stop knitting, but she pushes the scissors away from her. Being blinded by her obsession for achieving more, she continues to knit. By now, the scarf is so long that it has gone over the edge of a cliff. But the woman fails to realize that she herself is in danger of falling off that cliff because she is “attached” to the scarf.

As she races to knit more and more, she ends up running out of material. Still, she is reluctant to let go.  She risks her life by substituting her own hair for the yarn. Unable to stop knitting, she falls off the cliff. She finally realizes that she has to stop and let go so that she can survive. She then saves herself by using her own teeth to cut herself off from the scarf and free herself from this fatal situation.

Once she learns this valuable lesson, she quickly lets go of her knitting sticks and begins to treasure scissors. She understands that by using scissors wisely to cut off and let go of greed, she can have a new and better life.

Indeed, we can stop suffering by learning the lesson of letting go. By letting go, we can free ourselves from bondage and restriction. Our life can then be like a kite that flies high into the sky once it is released.

 

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