Posts tagged self help



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On Thanksgiving, 2013, in a blog post entitled, “Can You Imagine,”( I shared with you the story of how the unconditional love a kind doctor helped me to recover from a debilitating car injury. I never would have guessed that I would need to be saved again from the pain caused by that horrible crash. Nevertheless, this March I have once again found my cervical spine compression injury of C5/6 and 6/7 leaving me completely incapacitated and in need of a little unconditional love therapy.

Back in 2013 I pursued nearly every treatment option but surgery to help make the pain go away. I spent time doing acupuncture, massage, and physical therapy rehabilitation. In the end, my acupuncturist was the one who saved me. While I had hoped the pain would never resurface, there I was again, unable to move.

How could it be? Why did I find myself reliving this dreadful nightmare? My nerves screamed in pain with every breath I took. This time, as much as I wish I didn’t have to, the pain was so great that I resorted to taking pain pills.

This pain came to me during a long period of fasting. I was fasting to gain a better understanding of myself and to acquire a more compassionate connection to all that was going on in the world. All of a sudden, it was as if all of the pain that was being experienced by the people of the world began to flow through my veins, manifesting itself as the most horrific physical pain that continues to be with me even now. With this revisiting pain and discomfort came powerful waves of tears. I cried and cried, praying to God for some kind of relief. The only thing that seemed to help was laying in bed, motionless and focusing on complete relaxation.

“Let go, Let God,” I said to myself. And suddenly I realized this is what God wanted me to do: He wanted me to let go. He wanted me to hit the pause button on my life. He wanted me to put everything down, and relax.

Finally, I understand! I have to surrender to God. For three weeks, I fought hard to be still when all he wanted me to do was rest. He had to take away my strength in order for me to surrender. When I had no fight left in me, all I could do was pray. I prayed alone or with three or four friends

Cross in the Colosseum May, 2013

In prayer, I saw…
Jesus hanging on the cross.
He had been beaten, mocked, spitted upon…
He was weak, powerless and silently taking and swallowing all of humanity’s sufferings…

I had seen some of these visions before in my prayers. However, one thing was new. This time I saw Him bleeding to death. This image kept reappearing each time I prayed.

In prayer, my friend saw…
Three chariots carrying with them countless angels from above.
They circled around me.
She saw Jesus place a red and blue badge on my chest.
Then she saw a triangular mountain.
A clear sky was on top of the peak.

With these prayers and visions came indescribable divine, calm and peace. I began to pray for everyone in the world. I prayed that God would give me their pain.


Haleakala National Park, Maui (around 10,000 ft.above sea level) October,2014

This same friend was once again moved into prayer a day before Easter. She knelt down and put her forehead on the floor and begged God to heal me. When I followed her into prayer I saw Jesus was crucified on the cross again.

Two days later, I was given the strength and motivation to go see the kind doctor who helped me heal from the same injury three years ago. From the moment I walked into her office, I knew she could feel my pain. Without hesitation she immediately took me back into one of her treatment rooms with one of her nurses to help.

As she placed the needles into my skin, I suddenly saw the angels that my friend identified in her vision. These angels were not the ones we associate with flying around in the sky with wings. Instead, they were friends and strangers there to help me in my time of need. How blessed am I to have so many angel friends surround me when I needed them most? As they breathed unconditional love into me, I suddenly came to a realization that there was a divine reason as to why I was subjected to so much awful pain.

I don’t believe that the timing of all this was just a coincidence. Indeed, God wanted me to understand the connection between my pain and the pain that Jesus experienced as he hung from the cross. He moved my friend into prayer for my healing the day before Easter. He placed visions of Jesus crucified in my head. He moved me to pray for those suffering in the world and for me to take away their pain.

The red and blue badge that my friend saw God put on me was a promotion, asking me to bring forward the love of Christ. He was asking me to put aside the small “I” and instead represent the bigger, “I,” the “I” of all of humanity. Every ounce of pain I experienced brought me closer to understanding the sacrificial love that He had for the people of the world as he hung on the cross for us.

All of a sudden, I became enlightened. Without going through this horrendous ache, I wouldn’t be able to understand His pain. I wouldn’t be able to feel his helplessness nor His unconditional love for the people. This is how He wants me to move to care for the bigger “I”…Indeed, He does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Suddenly I burst into tears…
I saw the answer to a mystery that’s been haunting me ever since my husband died of cancer more than 15 years ago. After he had surgery on his neck, he kept bleeding. The wound wouldn’t seem to heal. I did not understand why he kept bleeding to his death. I thought such a fate was the privilege of Christ. Yet, through my own recent pain, I finally was awakened.My husband followed in the footsteps of the Christ. He also shed the blood for others, just like Christ did.

Finally, I understand why I have to experience this pain again. The first pain revealed the unconditional love of a kind doctor. This time God is leading me down a similar path that Jesus walked. Bearing the cross, step by step toward the end of His long journey. I experienced His unbearable pain while He walked the loneliest journey on earth.

He quietly and voluntarily took it all for us.
What price He had to pay.
What unconditional love He displayed for us.

I am so moved now and I can only cry out loud…and say
Thank you for this time of unimaginable suffering.
Thank you for letting me going through this dreadful, yet most worthwhile experience. Through this, I understand what unconditional love truly is. And more importantly, He continues to broaden my perspective…

We do not just live for ourselves.
We, too, should strive to live like He did, with unconditional love for the people of the world.

This image is from[term]=jesus%20carrying%20the%20cross&filters[primary]=images&filters[secondary]=videos&sort=1&o=15

Pictures(1).iesus-1I think the following text from describing the relation of Christ, Lamb and Lion very well. It is a perfect explanation of the image above.

“So when Jesus is referred to as the Lion and the Lamb, we are to see Him as not only the conquering King who will slay the enemies of God at His return, but also as the sacrificial Lamb who took away the reproach of sin from His people so they may share in His ultimate victory.”


My Life Story (5): Infinite Life


After posting the article – Is it a “bomb” or “blessing”? I went to visit my good friend Christine. Seeing how unusually quiet I was, she tried every way she could to make me laugh. She knew I liked impossible challenges. Writing a book is one of those challenges and the next one is to make a movie of my life’s journey. She started to make a different setup for the scene of  “a bomb or blessing?” She played both actor and director. She was so funny, she made me laugh till tears rolled down my face.

On a serious note, she told me what touched her most in the article was a phrase I used in the fifth paragraph – “then suddenly, awakening from my paralysis.” She said awakening is the state of being conscious. It is the reconnection with God or the divine and she believed that is the key to my understanding and total acceptance of the whole situation, thanks to which I could let go of the past and whole-heartedly move forward into a new life. She then showed me drawings of two circles as depicted below (Dying into Life by Guru Terath Kaur Khasa, Ph.D.)

For a couple of days, I stared at the circles. They preoccupied me, until I had a revelation and finally saw the difference between the finite self and infinite self.

In the book, it says: Imagine a circle, representing you, with smaller oblong shapes, (like flower petals,) attached to it, each one representing an aspect of your life, each labeled with something significant, for example father, daughter, singer, religion, career, financial stability, youth, skinny, home and health. Now, begin taking these pieces away. What happens? The circle is filled with holes in it. Symbolically, this is how we feel when something has been ripped from us, (like petals from a flower,) leaving us incomplete and empty.


IMG_2540Now imagine the same circle with another small circle in the middle labeled SOUL. When you take the other pieces away this time, how does it feel? There will be holes,  we will feel the pain of loss, but we will still have our core to hold us together. Our identity will be based on our undying soul.

IMG_2549Everyone would like to reach the realm of the “Infinite Self,” but how do we get there from the “Finite Self”? It is an important question. Is it coincidence or by chance that the name of my Chinese-language blog is Zero Limits – that is “no limits… infinite”? That is why I think I should have an answer to this question.

Stuart Wilde, a British writer known for his work on New Age, self-empowerment and spirituality, said that the final journey for everybody on this planet is to reach the point inside him- or herself where they are spirit rather than ego. You might have morbid thoughts and feel as though you’re dying and falling apart. The feelings come up because the ego’s world is melting away, so it feels diminished and sorrowful. Each bit that falls away serves to make you lighter and more spiritual. Your energy grows and, with that, your perception. (Infinite Self by Stuart Wilde

After posting “A Bomb or Blessing?” I seemed to experience what Wilde had described. I felt sick, sad and unable to take it. I even doubted I would have the strength to continue writing my life story after just finishing one-third of it. But then I saw what I had not seen before; I experienced what I did not have before. Moreover, I felt that I gained wisdom. I had my own thinking. I started to search within. I questioned myself: Did I
hear the same drumbeat as Wilde? Did I feel the same rhythm he did?

Looking at these circles, I kept thinking and pondering until I awoke one night at 3 a.m. I finally got it. It is a life’s journey that I am writing about. It is not the last journey. It is the path that every one of us needs to walk. It is the path that we were destined to tread when we were born. That is why it is called “life’s journey.” It goes from beginning to end. I then cried with joy because I could see how we live through the process from incomplete to complete, ugly to beautiful, no love to love, and we actually can call this “Our Life’s Journey.” It is a journey that brings us from finite self to infinite self.

People, events and stuff surround us, and they give us a multitude of experiences, which become part of our life. Sometimes, it seems they disappear; yet they still remain in our life. Just as in the photo below. It seems there are some circles missing on the right side of the photo, but they are still there, hidden in the background.

IMG_0777 IMG_0777

The purpose of their presence is to help us understand and achieve enlightenment, so they appear in a variety of forms – ugly … not round … incomplete … loveless … self. Often we see only their imperfection and are eager to get rid of them. Our eyes focus only on what we think is good while ignoring the imperfect ones. We forget that imperfection brings about perfection. So we overlook the origin, and ignore the source. We treat them as a thorn in our flesh and try to quickly get rid of them. Who is to know that they nonetheless help us continue to grow?

In Chapter 25 of Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching – Human being follows the Earth, the Earth follows Heaven, Heaven follows Tao, Tao follows Nature… I too love to use nature to explain things. I think the banyan tree is a great example to illustrate the infinite self.

I saw a big banyan tree when I went to Hawaii last year. The tree has a sign stating that it is an exceptional tree, protected under city ordinance. The tree is enormous yet still growing. Banyan trees have dangling aerial prop roots, which absorb water from the air and continue growing underground once they finally touch the soil.

P1050506 P1050496

The roots, growing underground, get stronger and stronger and provide nutrients to the aerial roots above. The aerial roots eventually grow into thick woody trunks, which connect directly or indirectly to the central trunk. The aerial roots keep appearing, and they make this stem bigger, thicker and stronger.

P1050490It begins as just a tree, but after many years it becomes a virtual forest. Banyans can easily outlive a person. The banyan’s central trunk accepts and connects the aerial roots, which eventually develop into a surrounding phalanx of adjacent trunks. This total acceptance helps the banyan keep growing without any limits. It teaches us the way to the infinite self is to accept whatever has happened in our life. As a matter of fact, the entire sequence of events that come along in our path becomes part of us. Like the banyan tree, our life will continue to grow once we accept them all. We, of course, will then also reach the infinite self.

P1050487When I shared my thoughts about the infinite self with Jenny, she told me that all the events in our life are an invitation from God. While I told Irene about this, she said quest, change and transformation are the main ingredients of our life’s journey. As for Christine, she told me she envisioned the chapter of Heart Sutra in the course of our discussion.

When the Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva was practicing the profound prajna paramita, he illuminated the five skandhas and saw that they are all empty, and he crossed beyond all suffering and difficulty. Shariputra: form does not differ from emptiness; emptiness does not differ from form. Form itself is emptiness; emptiness itself is formed. So, too, are feeling, cognition, formation and consciousness. Shariputra: all dharmas are empty of characteristics. They are not produced. Not destroyed, not defiled, not pure, and they neither increase nor diminish. (

I now feel that all experiences are God’s gifts. They are priceless. I wasn’t previously enlightened. I came to understand this during the process of writing my journey, word by word. I found myself learning to accept without fighting and struggling. Now I can relax and accept unconditionally. Coming to this understanding, I was suddenly filled with energy and felt I was continuing to grow. Yes, it is easy for a banyan to reach the state of the infinite. I told myself that I could do it too.

My Life Story (2): Life at MIT


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The world is constantly changing, life is unpredictable and science does not provide all the answers. Massachusetts Institute of Technology is lit round the clock; researchers do experiments in their laboratories day and night. They gather and analyze data, then give us scientific theories. But science cannot give us answers to questions like these: Who are you? What do you want? How are you feeling? What is the purpose of life?

When I suddenly lost both my father and my husband, I struggled to survive these enormous blows. At the same time, the impermanence of life affected friends who either already had their Ph.D. degrees or were still working to get them. They began to think about the value of life, and some of them started thinking outside the box.

Here’s an example. Other two families and I decided to set up a stall at a flea market. Because most customers were not Asians, we sold their favorites: fried noodles and spring rolls. We shared responsibilities. I was in charge of vegetables, including bean sprouts. Thanks to our success in selling thousands of spring rolls, we needed lots of bean sprouts. My kitchen was not big enough, so I used a big laboratory autoclave, which could cook a lot of bean sprouts in just a few minutes.

You would probably be surprised to have seen us there in the flea market. We’d remove our lab coats, roll up our sleeves and begin yelling and shouting to bring in customers. Don’t belittle us; we did a tremendous business because people loved our food. It was a pity that we could not continue because we had to go back to the lab to continue our research. It was a memorable moment in our life’s journey though. That was the first time we got out of habitual thought and did something different.

When my husband passed away, I thought my life would become simpler. I imagined I could focus on raising my children and earn a living to support them. I never imagined there would be problems in being a single mother.

A colleague suggested that I see a psychiatrist to help me cope with my loss. So I went to see one of the psychiatrists at MIT. He was friendly and appeared to be a gentleman. After the first couple of meetings, he suggested that we meet at a restaurant. After a few times, I grew uneasy having appointments outside his office. I also gradually realized that he had very strong opinions about the men I knew. He put down every single one of them, saying either that they were not good enough, or that they did not publish papers in first-rank scientific journals. I felt that he had an impure motive, forgetting that as a psychiatrist he was supposed to be helping me. It was a shame he was blinded by his own desires and forsook his professional responsibilities. So I stopped seeing him.

I found it quite challenging being a single woman. I remember how an MIT researcher once invited me to dinner. Afterward, when he dropped me off at home, he asked for a cup of coffee. It seemed innocent, so I let him come in. But before I could prepare the coffee, I needed to get my daughter to bed so she could get up in time for school the next day. When I came out of her room, he came close to me. I was shocked and stopped him. He didn’t like my reaction and told me that I’d given him a hint that I’d be receptive because I’d put my daughter to bed, which left us alone together. What kind logic is that? I not only shooed him out, but told him that I would not see him anymore. I believe that relationships need to be based on a certain degree of mutual respect.

One incident in particular hurt me a great deal. It gave me a glimpse of the ugly side of human nature. How I wish it had never taken place. It made me lose trust in someone I had previously respected – the husband of a distant relative who had come to Boston for a meeting. After we returned from dinner, he tried to kiss me as we chatted in my living room. Shocked and terrified, I rushed to my room and locked the door. In the grip of fear and distrust, I frantically took all the boxes I could find and stacked them against the door to keep him from coming in. I had thought of him as a nice person, a friend without ulterior motive. In fact, he had helped arrange my husband’s funeral and had delivered a eulogy, which had given me a great deal of respect and appreciation for him. Now, he had shattered his perfect image right before my eyes. It made me sad. I knew he was ashamed, and he left right away. I never told his wife about the incident, hoping he would be loyal and faithful to her for the rest of his life and that he would keep his family intact.

People don’t come into our life by chance, even ones like these who appeared like dragonflies, just touching the water, then flying away without leaving a trace. Still, these incidents gave me a lesson in life. How we hope there are always perfect endings as we go through life’s journey. But now, I’ve learned that life takes unexpected turns, and is constantly changing. We need to accept things as they happen and make the best of every situation. We cannot change others, so we must change ourselves to live a life that we can be proud of and that makes us happy.


My Life Story (1)- A Rose That Cannot Be Crushed


The image was taken from one of LA art exhibition and the author is unknown.


I was born in a small town in Taiwan. My father worked for the First Bank of Taiwan, and as he would often be assigned to a new location, we were always moving. We went from city to city throughout my childhood, which made me insecure. After entering high school and staying there for six years, my feeling of being unsettled gradually subsided.

I completed junior and senior high school in a girl’s school. Since our social circle was limited to females, we found ourselves closed off in a conservative atmosphere. On top of that, I had to spend a couple of hours traveling back and forth between the small town we lived in to the city where my school was located. In the time remaining to me after school and commuting, I studied hard so my life was fairly simple. There was very little social life, and my friends and I were quite naive and unsophisticated. We were as pure as a sheet of white paper.

I did my undergraduate studies at National Taiwan University in Taipei, the capital of Taiwan. It is a bustling city with lots of things to see and do. This did not change me much, however. Other than sleep, I spent most of my time studying in the library. Being a horticulture major, I led a less colorful life than the students who were majoring in business or literature.

After graduating, I followed a path taken by many others and came to the United States for graduate school. I got married and earned my master’s degree at the University of Illinois. After my husband had got his doctorate, we went to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology where he did his postdoctoral fellowship and I did DNA research.

Our life was rather calm and pleasant for the first year in Boston, and then we discovered my husband had liver cancer. Suddenly, my life was turned upside down, and I felt I’d been thrown out of heaven and plunged into hell. When we were moving from the city to city during my childhood, I had only felt insecure. But now my days were filled with fear, distress and anxiety. The time of happiness and peace was gone.

I remember a day that began as a normal Thursday. I went to the Department of Motor Vehicles to take the written test for a driver’s license. I was learning to drive so I could be more independent. It was a long way to the DMV, and I walked. This triggered the delivery of my second baby sooner than I expected. And it opened the curtain on the most challenging chapter in my life’s journey … as you can see from the poem below, which I wrote previously.

I Survived

All this happened a long time ago.
Yet it seems as though it just took place.

It was early on a Friday morning at the beginning of autumn.
The pain was so fierce and unbearable.
I kept telling myself, “This can’t happen now.
Endure. Hang on … You must! Because Bob and Elaine are going away for the weekend.”
I could not spoil their vacation … but I needed them to get me to the hospital.

Oh, no! It was time and the baby was coming.
Three hours later in a hospital room in Boston,
The high-pitched cry of a newborn boy seemed to rip through the thin air of the sky.
It scared the birds, who sprang into flight, shaking leaves to the ground.
Outside the room, Elaine and Bob tried to comfort my little four-year-old girl and prepare her for the arrival of her brother.

Inside, after giving birth, I stared at the window. Exhausted. Tears filling my eyes.
I did not have any feeling. All I had was emptiness, loneliness and hopelessness.
I felt as though I were falling to the bottom of a pit.
I felt I was at the very bottom of the earth.
How I wished this was a dream. I wanted so badly to wake up
And find out that the baby’s father had been discharged from the hospital with a clean bill of health.

God seemed to be playing a joke on me.
Twelve days after the birth of my baby, without ever seeing his son,
The father rushed to the finish of his life’s journey, shorter than 30 years.
It seemed God still wasn’t finished playing jokes on me.
What lay ahead was totally beyond what I could have imagined.

In Asia, women who have just given birth
Have a month-long “confinement” period to recover.
As for me … Perhaps I am special?
Oh, no! I did not want to be so special.
I used to be carefree, everything was handed to me.
I did not know how to do anything.
Because my husband took care of everything for me.
Now, after his passing,
I had to come out of my shell – to learn fast and deal with everything.
Beginning with arranging his funeral service.

And learning to drive a stick-shift car.
Elaine was from England. She taught me not only with patience and love, but also strictly and with principle.
By the time my confinement ended, I had my driver’s license.

The next thing was to fight with a well-known life insurance company.
Due to the ignorance of the agent, I had run into problems collecting the insurance payment.
The company hired a Cantonese-speaking man to come to my house.
His job was to persuade me to accept a smaller amount.

He tried his best, alternating between a sympathetic and a hard-line approach
Spending the whole day trying to get the result his company was hoping for.
In the end he could only tell me that he had never encountered anyone in my situation,
Having just lost a husband, with a tiny infant and still in confinement,
Who could still fight with him and not budge an inch.

His words rang in my ear, making me realize I had grown up.
I could shake off the thought of suicide.
Thank God … Thank Him that I could finally stand on my own two feet.

I then hired an attorney to deal with the insurance company,
Which finally gave in, and I received what was owed to me and my children.

Strangely, the same thing happened with MIT, where both my husband and I had been working.
An employee had made a mistake, so again we were not going to receive anything.
My husband’s professor tried and tried to get it resolved but to no avail.
Finally, an MIT vice president came to talk to me,
Hoping that I would admit it was my husband’s error rather than the employee’s.
I do not know where I gained the strength and the wisdom.
But after a heated argument, he fled.
Once again, I’d done it and won.
….      …………
….      …………
….      …………
Slowly I understood.
God was not joking with me.
Because I had to fight for these things,
He led me step by step out from under the shadow of grief over the death of both my husband and my father (who died just a month before my husband).
In this most dreadful and heartbroken period of my life,I survived.

I would never have imagined when I came here from Taiwan that I would be struggling to survive. I came here to realize my dream, my hopes. And yet all of these were shattered. Now all I hoped for was to stay alive. I was gratified that there were angels surrounding me during this terrible time. I can’t help but name some of the people who helped me most in time of need.

My professor, Dr. Huberman, for whom I did DNA chromosome research for five years, treated me like a sister. When I lost my husband, I had to take care of a baby and a five-year-old daughter. He never put pressure on me; I could set my own work schedule. He was always there to support me. What he gave me was pure love.

Robert and Elaine were a couple I will never in my life forget. The help I received from them was immeasurable. Elaine, who came from England,taught me to drive in strict British style. That I am now a skillful driver can be attributed to her coaching. Robert was a typical American gentleman – kind, patient and considerate. I remember one night when I couldn’t go to sleep. They came to my house and watched me and made sure I fell asleep, then stayed the whole night. I can never repay them for all they did for me. I am forever grateful for their kindness.

Dr. Green, my husband’s professor, helped me unravel a badly tangled life insurance problem. Initially, it appeared I wouldn’t be receiving payment from MIT’s life insurance. The reason was that the employee in charge of the insurance application had erroneously told my husband he would need a physical examination, so my husband did not apply because he knew he would not pass the test. But in fact no physical examination was necessary for this group insurance policy. Dr. Green tried everything possible and met with the employees involved to provide life insurance coverage for me. He even rallied some professors to help to resolve the problem. In the end, thanks to all his efforts, he forced an MIT vice president to visit me, and the Institute finally gave in and paid us what we deserved. Dr. Green showed me how to fight an uphill battle and win.

One more person I want to mention was my life insurance agent. Initially, the company informed me I could only get installment payments rather than a lump sum. This was because my husband did not sign a paper needed for the lump sum option. After his passing, this agent went directly to the insurance company and admitted that he had never disclosed the need for this signature. I’m very grateful for what did for me and my family because the lump sum made a tremendous difference. It was not easy for him to admit his mistake, as he risked being penalized by his company.

I am filled with tears when I recall all the trials of those days. They are tears of joy because I can finally let go of the past. Those are also tears of gratitude for the love I received from the people around me at that time. As I went through the challenges and changes in my life, I began to realize whatever happened had a purpose. Through all this, I started to grow. I was no longer the innocent, carefree girl of before. I felt like a rose, which could neither be pressed nor crushed, but had survived and bloomed through these hardships. The stem of this rose may look bent and imperfect, but it still bears a beautiful, fragrant flower. It is the beauty and the fragrance of life. It is a sign of my growth. And I believe it will also help people to grow alongside me.

Note: The poem is a modification of my article- I Have Survived which I posted earlier in this blog and will include in my book.


A Page before “ My Life Story”


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My son suggested that I include my life story in this book. He thought it would help
readers better understand the messages I want to convey. His suggestion made
sense to me, so I started to work on it after I wrapped up the chapter on “getting
away from the habitual box.” However, after writing the first page of my story, I
seemed to run out of steam and couldn’t find the energy to continue. I knew what to
write – it’s my own life story after all. Believe me, I had a lot of stories to recount, yet
I had no drive to put pen to paper. It was a long weekend, and I had plenty of time to
work on it. But I ended up dancing instead, because I had a mental block and I
simply couldn’t do it. I figured I might at least get fit in preparing for the hoped-for
visit from my writing muse.

Sure enough, dancing seemed to help to clear my mind. I began to realize what was
keeping me from writing. I needed to know the reason I should include my life story
in the book. For what purpose? The reason my son gave me was not motivating
enough. I also realized it would be hard to bring the past back to mind. I worried
that I might not be able to endure it. It would be unbearable to relive the things that
had caused me so much torment. I knew that I would sob and cry as I wrote, and
even long after I finished. No one could imagine the pain I had gone through without
experiencing it. How I wanted to avoid subjecting myself to this torment, but I knew
I could not keep my past out of the book. I could not run away from it. No wonder I
was having a mental block.

I kept searching and meditating in an effort to overcome this obstacle and resolve
my fears. Then, I suddenly remembered a conversation I’d had several days earlier
with my close friend Emily. I knew her through my business. She is one of the
physicians that I had solicited for home health marketing. I see her quite often, and
slowly we became very close friends. She is a good listener and is always there for

Emily had a serious fall when she was in the mountains a few years ago. And it was
while she was in a cast with a broken leg that her husband served her with divorce
papers. I was so thankful that I could be there to support her at that difficult time.
Fortunately, with God on her side, she overcame this grief. Then, a couple of years
later, she came down with a gallbladder infection. Her situation quickly turned
worse, and her doctor was twice on the verge of giving up on her. He probably did
not realize that God was making him wait for a miracle. Then Emily dreamed that Christ was standing under a tree praying for her, and miraculously, against all odds,  she quickly recovered. She was discharged from the hospital on Easter Sunday.

For me, the biggest miracle was what she told me while she was still in the intensive
care unit. She was in and out of the gate of death. I went to visit her as just she woke
up. She told me that she had prayed for my book. I was shocked and touched that
she cared so much about me, and about my dream. She wanted so much to see my
dream realized that she put it in her heart and prayed for me even when she was in
such a terrible state. Her love gave me faith and inspiration, and I saw the light of
hope for publishing my book that I had not thought possible till then.IMG_0739

I did not grasp her meaning about healing then. But a couple of days after I had gone
dancing, I was somehow reminded of Edwarda O’Bara, a 16-year-old high school
student who fell ill and slipped into a diabetic coma in 1970. She spent 42 years in a
coma and died in 2012 at age 59. She is believed to be the world’s longest-surviving
coma patient.

While it seemed that she lay in bed helplessly, she nonetheless moved the renowned
self-help author Wayne Dyer to pen a book, “A Promise Is A Promise,” about her
mother’s unconditional love. Thousands of people from around the world – from
Japan to Australia, from Italy to Canada – flocked to her house. They not only
admired her mother’s love for her, but also believed that Edwarda had miraculous
healing powers. Some of those who were experiencing pain and suffering reported
that Edwarda appeared to them, taking away their pain and leaving them with a
sense of spiritual comfort and peace. Maybe this was the purpose of Edwarda’s life
on earth – to bring healing to those who needed it.

Finally, I saw the light. I had my answer. Writing my life story has a purpose – to
heal myself and others who can gain from it. With this understanding, I felt lifted,
and the blockage dissolved. I regained the strength to write.

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