Jokes


Hilarious video!

Jokes were from my friend’s e-mail

Lady on phone “Sir, I want to meet and talk to you. You are the father of one of my kids.”
Man is stunned and says:
“Oh my God!”
Are you Jessica?
No.
Pamela?
No.
Anna?
No.
Christina?
No.
Joelle?
No.
Elissa?
No.


……….
Lady in confusion:
“Sir, I am the class teacher of your son”.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
A new patient arrived at the local health centre and the receptionist was taking
down some details. “What is your age Mr. Jones” she enquired. “I’m not telling
you” came the reply. “We need to know for our records” said the receptionist
sternly. “Okay take the number 26 and double it and then add 14″ said Mr. Jones”.
“That equals 66” said the receptionist. “Now take 66 away from that figure and what do you have”
Mr. Jones retorted. “Zero” said the receptionist looking rather puzzled.
“Exactly, and that is what chance you have got of me letting you know my age”.
…………………………………………………………………………………
Man: God?
God: Yes?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Of course!
Man: What’s a million years to you?
God: A second.
Man: And a million dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, can I have a penny?
God: Yes, just wait a second.
…………………………………………………………………………………
A woman went into a bank in London wishing to loan £3,000 for one month.
The loan officer said that he would require collateral.
The woman says “I have a Ferrari; here are a set of keys.Keep it until I repay the
loan”. The loan is authorized and the Ferrari driven away for safe keeping.
The woman returns one month  later, pays the £3,000 loan together with
£20 interest and the car is returned to her.
Clearly puzzled, the loan officer says to her “With respect, madam, I don’t
understand why someone like you who owns a Ferreri would need to borrow
£3,000″. “Well” she replied “I needed to go to the United States for 4 weeks and tell me,
where in London can you store a Ferrari for £20 a month?”.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
A letter from “school”
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
A week later….. A letter from “home”
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

.

                   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY   JULY  4TH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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