On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a bastard and hears his dad call his mom a bitch. He asks, “Mommy, what does bastard mean?” She answers, “Um, it means boy.” Then he asks, “Daddy, what does bitch mean?” He says, “Uh, it means girl.” Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, “Sht.” The son asks, “What does that mean?” The dad says, “It means shaving cream.” Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally cuts herself and says, “Fck.” The son asks her what that word means and she says, “It means carving.” That evening, the family’s guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them and says, “Welcome bitches and bastards! My dad is in the bathroom rubbing shit on his face and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.”
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, “What are you doing?” “Playing a game,” the boy replied. “What is your name?” the officer questioned. “Mind Your Own Business.” Furious the policeman inquired, “Are you looking for trouble?!” The boy replied, “Why, yes.”
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Dad: “Can I see your report card, son?”
Son: “I don’t have it.”
Son: “I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents.”
The jokes are from http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/family-jokes/2.
A man died, he started to realize that human life is short. At this time, he saw the Buddha coming towards him carrying a box.
The Buddha said: “Okay, let’s go.”
The man said, “So soon? I still have a lot of things left unfinished.”
Buddha replied: “I am sorry, but your time is up.”
The man asked the Buddha: “What is in your box?”
The Buddha said: “It is your relic.”
The man said puzzledly: “My relics? Do you mean my things, clothes, and money?”
The Buddha said: “Those things are never yours. They belong to the earth.”
The man asked again: “Is it my memory?”
Buddha said: “No, they belong to time.”
The man guessed: “Is my talent?”
The Buddha replied: “No, they belong to the circumstances ”
The man asked: “Are they, my friend and family?”
The Buddha said, “No, child, they belong to the journey you have traveled.”
The man asked: “My wife and children?”
The Buddha: “No, they belong to your heart.”
The man said, “So it must be my body.”
The Buddha said, “No, your body belongs to the dust.”
Finally, the man affirmed: “That must be my soul!”
The Buddha smiled and said, “My child, you are wrong. Your soul belongs to me.”
The man’s eyes were filled with tears, and he took it from the Buddha’s hand and opened the box – it was empty!
He burst into tears and asked the Buddha heartbrokenly, “Didn’t I ever have anything?”
The Buddha replied: “No, there is nothing in the world that truly belongs to you.”
The man asked: “So, what is mine?”
The Buddha: “Every moment you live is yours.”
It is true that life is just a moment, we have to live for it, love it, enjoy it!! The living is victory, earning money is just a game, health is the purpose, and happiness is the truth!
To cherish the people around, don’t dispute, don’t grudge, to talk nicely to one another, to understand each other! Because each person’s time in this world is getting less and less, they will eventually be separated from each other.
Our lives fly fast, don’t waste it, don’t sigh unreasonably, don’t haggle over every ounce. Live well, and pass each day in the future!
The original Chinese article人死燈滅時，能帶走什麼 is from https://kknews.cc/history/anz4xxx.html
The image is from 茶悦网.
Once there was a man received a precious purple clay teapot. He placed it at the head of his bed every night so no one could steal it away from him.
However one night he accidentally knocked the lid off the teapot in his sleep. After waking up to the noise, he decided to get rid of the teapot: after all, what’s the point keeping a teapot with a broken lid?
So, he grabbed the teapot and threw it out of the window.
The following morning, he found, on the contrary to what he had expected: the teapot lid stayed intact as it landed on his cotton shoes.
Exasperated and frustrated, the man stepped on the lid, crushing it to pieces.
As he stepped outdoors, he encountered another surprise: the teapot he had thrown out of the window the day before hung perfectly intact in a tree outside his window.
The image is from Brainy Quote.
Have you ever had the moment when you wish you could take back the hurtful things said to a loved one? Unlike the teapot that stayed intact, a lot of hurts cannot be undone: it is perfectly human to feel exasperated or disappointed. However it is the actions upon those emotions that make all the difference: had the man decided not to throw out the teapot when exasperated, things would have been a lot different. Therefore, patience is no longer just a virtue, but also a state of mindfulness of the potential consequences of one’s actions.
It did feel like a practical joke however, when our protagonist found that he had thrown out the teapot when the lid was found intact, that there was no going back: he had crushed his own chances: In fact, luck had always been on his side: fate did not ruin his lid, he was the one who did.
Isn’t it ironic that it has never crossed our minds that it is ourselves who created our “bad luck” when hope and light have always proven to be on our side?
Archaeological excavations reveal that as early as the Song dynasty (10th century) potters near Yixing were using local “zisha” (紫砂 or 紫泥 ; literally, “purple sand/clay”) to make utensils that may have functioned as teapots. According to the Ming dynasty author Zhou Gaoqi, during the reign of the Zhengde Emperor, a monk from Jinsha Temple (Golden Sand Temple) in Yixing handcrafted a fine quality teapot from local clay. Such teapots soon became popular with the scholarly class, and the fame of Yixing teapots began to spread.
Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers in the world.
I like to share with you this article ” How Did Father’s Day Begin? ” here on the Father’s Day today. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I do.
In May of 1909, Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Wash., sat in church listening to a Mother’s Day sermon. She decided she wanted to designate a day for her dad, William Jackson Smart. Dodd’s mother had died in childbirth, and Dodd’s father, a Civil War veteran, had taken the responsibility of singlehandedly raising the newborn and his other five children.
The following year, Dodd wanted to celebrate Father’s Day on June 5th, her father’s birthday and petitioned for the holiday to be recognized in her city. Needing more time to arrange the festivities, Spokane’s mayor pushed the date back by two weeks, and the First Father’s Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910, according to the Spokane Regional Convention and Visitor Bureau.
At the first Father’s Day celebration, young women handed out red roses to their fathers during a church service, and large baskets full of roses were written around, with attendees inducing to pin on a rose in honor of their fathers – red for the living and White in memory of the deceased. Dodd then brought her infant son along on a horse-drawn carriage ride through the city, bringing roses and gifts to home-bound fathers.
While Congress was quick to fully declare the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day in 1914, after it was first celebrated on May 10, 1908, it took much longer for Father’s Day to be legally recognized. But thanks to Dodd’s celebration, Father’s Day steadily Gained popularity.
In 1924, President Calvin Coolidge said that he supported it, in order to establish closer relationships between fathers and their children and to impress upon fathers the full measure of their obligations, according to the Library of Congress.
And the holiday gain more traction in 1938 when a trade organization, the National Council for the Promotion of Father’s Day, which was formed by men’s clothing retailers in New York City, decided to take up the cause, according to Consumer Rites: The Buying and Selling of American Holidays (Princeton University Press, 1995).
President Lyndon Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers in 1966, but it wasn’t until 1972 that President Richard Nixon signed the public law that made it a permanent holiday. Since then, Father’s Day has become a time to recognize the many Figures in our lives.
This article was provided by Life’s Little Mysteries, a sister site to LiveScience.
This article is posted on https://www.livescience.com/10697-father-day-turns-100.html.
Mother’s love is like an idyllic poem, pure and elegant.
Mother’s love is like a landscape painting. It is washed away from lead and carved ornaments, leaving fresh and natural.
Mother’s love is like an affectionate song, euphemistic, softly sing.
Mother’s love is a warm wind, blowing the snow to fly, bringing out the unlimited spring light.
The friendship may fade, the vow may be forgotten, but the love of the mother will live forever.
Dawn comes after dusk; autumn comes after spring.
Every bit of our progress, which one is not the crystallization of the mother’s painstaking efforts?
Mother’s love is so deep and pure, like the wine the longer it brews, the purer it is.
It lets us indulge it, and we do not know it is a millennium wine.
Mother’s love is sacrificial and unconditional.
We are unable to make any repayment.
But we can pay back by our love.
On this mother’s day, we want to say to our mother :
“Oh mom, we love you!”