My Life Story

Where Are You?

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One early Sunday morning
I got up and tried to move my car
Because I came home late the night before
After visiting my grandson
Who had just been released from the hospital
After being hit by a car.

Usually, I would have moved the car
So my older son could go exercise
But on this particular day, I asked him
To pray with me before he went
Despite not knowing what’s on my mind
He usually agrees.

So we lit candles and bowed our heads
And we sat down
At the time, my heart was so heavy
The weight was more than my shoulders could carry.

A small thing like the water leaking on my property
And disagreements between the workers and the tenant
Was irrelevant when my mind was on my grandson.

He was just seven years old
And he loved go-kart racing
He seemed to find himself in it
To have control over something at his young age
And to be able to compete.

My mind went back to yesterday
When my daughter texted me
She asked me to pray for him
Because he was in the ER.

I didn’t know what was going on,
He was a healthy, smart boy
Why would he be in the ER?

The reception was so bad that I couldn’t get an answer
No text messages after that
But I needed to attend class that afternoon
And all I could do was pray
So I would be at peace during my class.

I trusted that everything was under God’s protection
A little bit of anxiety, but no tears.

All of a sudden, a sentence came to me:
“Where are you?”
He was asking me.
What do you mean, where are you?
I thought that was my question to Him.

Many times we ask only for things for ourselves
But if we do not find our prayers answered the way we want
We fail to see the blessings that come down
And we do not get the blessings we think we are asking for
Then we will always ask God, “Where are you?”

But this time he asked me.
Why would He ask me “Where are you?”
I realized why he asked me this question
If it wasn’t for the worry I had for my grandson,
I would be without peace
I felt the urgency to talk and pray for him
If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here, and my son wouldn’t be here.

I may spend ten minutes in prayer
And my son will go as usual to work out
And after, we will take our time to eat
And go to work
After work, I will go dancing or watch TV
Or have dinner with friends
Where am I?

And He asked me again, “Where are you?”
I could only say I was nowhere to be found
So busy being busy
For so long, I did not spend the time to connect with God
Or to quiet myself down to search for truth

Yesterday, with all these things going on while I was in class
The teacher’s assistant noticed and told me before I left
“Imagine you have a cup of muddy water,
Take your time to let it clear by itself.”
I understood exactly what she meant.
If we try to clear a cup of muddy water ourselves,
It will never become clear
The dirt will never settle.

Only then we understand all it needs to clear is to wait
It is time for us to be quiet
And for us to connect with God
Only then will we find peace within ourselves.

After the prayer, I waited
To call my daughter to check on my grandson
He was doing alright
And I knew it was all because He is there.
When he needed protection the most.
He is there to guide him.
And He never fails to be where we need Him to be.

As Thanksgiving Day is approaching, I hope I can be in the right place.
So I can find the time
And the means
To feed the hungry
To give water to the thirsty
To visit the sick
And continuously be where He wants me to be.

The poem was written on November 12, 2017.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Beautiful roses to all the mothers in the world!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was inspired to write this article after I witnessed the birth of a baby on Feb 24, 2010. I would like to dedicate it to my mom and the admirable mothers of the world.

Oh, mom! I love you!
When you burst out crying and used all of your strength to push
That was after
Eighteen hours on an empty stomach
Three hours of continuous effort
And overturning the doctor’s decision to do a Cesarean-section half an hour before
I finally came out to this world

Oh, mom, I admire you!
Even though with your hard and long efforts to push
There was no sign of my coming out with what little strength you had left
You still wanted to try for another half hour
You yourself are such a tiny girl,
but you have a giant heart of giving everything you have
To the unborn child of yours

Oh, mom, I am very sorry ,forgive me not being able to help!
I felt the pain inside of you
I could visualize the flow of your tears
I heard your cries
Yet I sensed the determination and love streaming from you
I knew then that love would prevail
That all the hindrances would melt away by the power of love

Oh, mom, I thank you!
Your effort was not in vain
I finally join you and daddy in your world
I burst out of crying
When the doctor gently opened my mouth with his love and kindness
When the nurse softly cleansed me
I cried feeling the love all around me

Oh, mom, I love you the most!
I wanted to proclaim to the whole world
I might not be born with a golden spoon
But for sure I was born with love
Unconditional love, sacrificial love
The most precious love
The love of my dearest mom

Oh, mom, I really, really love you!!!!!

Whatever Our Heart Desires Will Come True

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A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

During Chinese New Year, it is customary to wish for someone’s wishes to come true. In fact, we have a saying: “Whatever your heart desires will come true.” Having said it for so many years and always wishing for other peoples’ dreams to come true, I recently started to question why we continue to say this. As I was meditating one day, it dawned on me that the heart is where divinity is. It is where we are connected to a higher authority or to the gods – whatever you believe in, or the inner self. If you wish for something wholeheartedly and nothing else, that wish will gradually appear before you.

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This image is from Quora

Recently, after coming back from the tai chi practice, I hoped and wished that my effort in training would get me a commercial. After all, it had been three years since I had failed a tai chi audition and started practicing more. I wasn’t a master by any means, but I still knew quite a lot.

Just a week later, I was auditioning for a singing commercial. During the audition, we were asked about our specialties and skills. The first person, an Asian man, replied that he was a master in tai chi. When it was my turn, I decided to tell them that I knew tai chi as well. We were then told to stay behind and show them.

I felt good about the audition and, sure enough, I got the callback the next day. After auditioning, I went to dancing class. I was sweating but still felt cold. The temperature dropped suddenly. I knew that I had caught a cold, and lost my voice as a result. I could hardly speak when my agent called me about the callback. She asked me if she should tell the casting director that I could not make it. I had a strong desire to get this commercial involving tai chi, so I insisted on going, whether or not I had a voice. After entering the audition room, I told them that I lost my voice and couldn’t sing. Then, one of the people in charge said not to worry and just to do my tai chi.

 

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The image is from Sports animations and animated gifs.

I thought I had a slim chance of getting the role in the commercial since I had no voice to sing. Surprisingly, the next day, I got a call from the director telling me that I was picked to be in the commercial. In the end, it turned out that our tai chi overpowered the singing, and we did not end up singing. It was a miracle to be involved in a singing filming without actually singing. I was able to replace my inability to sing with my tai chi.

Indeed, our heart’s desire will come true. I just hope that my readers will have the same experience – whatever your heart (and when I say your heart, I mean wholeheartedly) desires will come true, sooner or later. As in the film Cinderella, “a dream is a wish your heart makes.”

Prayer

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My friends often ask me how I pray. I don’t remember where I got the idea or how I started my technique, but I use nine bells on a wooden tray I found in my house and a candle with the flame inside the glass. Before I pray, I bow to heaven and earth, and then the sun and moon, and then to my parents. After I bow, I sit there and close my eyes. Before I pray, I ask for peace and blessings. I ask God to help the problems we encounter. As time goes on, I feel the divinity knows what we want and what we need. We do not need to ask for our sake. Gradually, I pray for the goodness of the people in this world.

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Recently, I have been quiet. I have enjoyed that peace and quietness. Every time I have this communion with God, the birds always sing. After the prayer, I always ring the bells. At first, I could not understand why someone suggested using bells. The divinity did not need us to awaken it. But I thought it might awaken the people of the world. The people reside in the north, the south, the east, and the west. Yes, the people from all four corners of the world. And then, one day, the Voice told me, “The bells awaken the souls of the people. The human beings in the flesh separate themselves by race, religion, gender, country and every other kind of boundary. But their souls do not discriminate. That’s why you only need to pray for their souls.”

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I heard this a few months ago, and it still rings true. More violence has happened in this world because of these distinctions by color, race, religion, country, etc. With this all happening now, I do my part in praying for everyone. In ringing the bell, maybe, just perhaps, the soul of the people will be awakened, and we will no longer have all this separation. We can live in harmony in this precious world.

Wisdom – Third Time’s Not the Charm

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You may be puzzled by the title. There is a Chinese saying that we should not repeat our mistakes more than two times. If we do, then we will suffer the consequence as a result. While I was meditating one day, I was hoping to gain the wisdom to make fewer mistakes and improve my life. As we walk on this path, our ignorance and foolishness end up prevailing, and we make bad judgments. Consequently, our lives become miserable.  We either encounter loss or heartache from repeating mistakes that we made earlier.

How I lost my hotel, how I was trapped by the mafia, how I was tricked time and time again: I kept suffering all the consequences of repeating my mistakes, losing all of my money and wasting my time. As I think about wisdom, I was reminded of a Russian expression: The wise man learns from someone else’s mistakes, the smart man learns from his own, and the stupid one never learns. I like to think that we learn a lot, not only from our mistakes but also from our experiences as well.

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The other day, I found out that the stock company did not perform my stock transaction as I requested. I went to the company every year, but this year as I called to ask for the information, they started to tell me that I did not do it the year before. I was frantic, but I understood that this wasn’t the time to blame anyone. I knew very well that I went in personally every year to take care of anything. Things like this happen for a reason. I remembered the old Chinese saying about not repeating a mistake a third time. So I went in the next morning to try to deal with it. This time, I made a point of talking to the representative and expressing my frustration. He took time to help me through all the details. He had me sign the necessary papers and assured me that he would call me in a few days to ensure everything was done accordingly.

As I walked back to my car, I couldn’t help crying. I didn’t catch this mistake until the second time. I thanked the divinity for reminding me not to repeat my mistakes. How can we prevent this in our lives? We have to take action. I cried because all my life, I made many mistakes. I did not learn from my mistakes and corrected them. I thought I was smart. But then I realized I was a fool. I knew I needed to transform myself from a fool to a smart person. Then and there I told myself that I would go beyond that to become wise.

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Recently, my friend told me about her story. She made a friend who was a pen pal. A couple of months later, that friend asked for help. He encountered a medical bill for his son he was unable to pay off. Out of love, she took care of this bill for a man she never met. Then, he asked for help again because he needed medical treatment this time. He was out of the country and could not access his bank account. This friend of mine, who was so giving and generous, stepped in to help once more. She thought everything was a done deal and that she could get her money back. Then, all of a sudden, he sent an SOS. He needed extra funds to travel back to his home. As I heard this, I kept meditating on it. I kept getting the feeling that this mistake should not be repeated. The third time is not the charm.

As I look at my experiences now and look at my friend’s experience, I see how we both suffered financially and emotionally. We had faced a tremendous loss. I hope that from now on, I will be able to make fewer mistakes and avoid unnecessary loss, not just regarding money, but also regarding emotional and psychological stress. That is why we always look to the elderly for advice because their life long experiences make them wiser. I hope I don’t have to get old to become wise, and from now on, I hope to learn from my experiences and watch out for others. Maybe I will become a wise person soon.

 

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