Archive for October, 2018
This entry was originally posted on November 19, 2011. I do not know why it was no longer in my blog. Luckily I also published it on my Chinese blog, so I can copy and repost here to share with you the story of my life and what makes me who I am today.
Many years have passed; thousands of days gone by.
I told myself that I needed to write you a letter even though I had no place to send it.
But I could not bring myself to write.
Today, I will finally do it because it has been on my mind for too long.
Dear God, please help me.
I love you, Ming.
It seems unreal that you left us so long ago.
I still remember that you tried so hard to tell me something.
Nothing came out of your mouth, and you had no strength to write it on my palm.
I did not understand what you wanted to say to me at that time.
It wasn’t until a year later that I finally realized that what you wanted to tell me was:
“I love you.”
How I wish that I could have told you, “I love you, too.”
Oh, God! I love you wholeheartedly even until now.
I am so sorry that I did not tell you before your passing.
I was busy dealing with the hospital,
So that they would not give up on your treatment.
I remember vividly the day the director of the ICU came to see me.
Heartlessly, he announced that the hospital would stop your blood transfusions the next day.
As much as I tried to plead, beg and reason with him, he still would not budge an inch.
He said that you were going to die anyway,
That he did not want to waste anymore of the blood supply.
Yet he refused blood donations from our church members.
At that point, I knew I was dealing with a person who had no feelings.
To make matters worse, the hospital made one mistake after another.
A year before you were hospitalized, we had gone in for a check up.
But it wasn’t until a year later – after you were hospitalized – that we received the report that your blood was abnormal.
A report delayed due to the hospital’s negligence.
And when you were hospitalized, the doctor closed his eyes to the non-stop bleeding from you surgical wound.
And they made many more mistakes…
I could not hold in my anger any longer, so I told him:
“Doctors are not God. They are responsible for treating patients.”
He had no right to terminate a patient’s life.
If he stopped your blood transfusion,
You would die as a result.
I told him that I would consider him a murderer.
Following my forceful statements, he finally decided to give me three days before taking any action.
Our church offered a three-day fast; it seemed he dare not do anything during that period.
Thank God for giving me these precious 72 hours so I could fight this giant (hospital).
In and out of your room, I was too busy to call people to get help.
Sister Huang came to help and stay by your side.
I did not want to tell you the truth for fear it would upset you.
I wanted to do everything I could to get you a blood transfusion.
I swore to myself that I would not let them block the treatment you needed as long as I was still alive.
I just wanted to keep you alive with all my strength.
It was an uphill battle, but I wanted to fight until my last breath.
I remember that once, when you almost could not endure the pain anymore, you said
I was so cruel for not letting you go.
Oh, God! How could I live without you in this world?
I loved you so much that I wanted to keep you alive.
The ICU director felt my determination.
He sensed that this family would not give up without a fight.
He wanted to figure out whether we were able to go up against him.
He sent a doctor to watch me the next morning.
Facing him was this poor lady who had no energy left.
No strength. Only a desire for her husband to live.
Three hours later, this doctor left in embarrassment.
He told me that he believed I would get my wish.
God sent many angels to help us.
Did you know that, Ming?
Several white doves appeared at your hospital window during that time.
A friend helped to contact several Chinese newspapers about our story.
Our daughter sent out news releases to local newspapers.
Telephone calls inquiring about this story poured in to the hospital from all over.
Ming, I do not know whether you knew it or not.
The hospital could not handle the pressure from the media.
On the third day, the hospital gave in and sent me a formal letter to acknowledge
That they would continue to give you blood transfusions.
Dragging my tired body to your room, but retaining hope, I went back to your side.
It seemed that the fire of life was rekindled.
My long absent smile found its way back … again.
Just as I thought there was hope…
You slipped away quietly several hours later.
I could not understand what had happened.
Should I blame heaven or someone?
Why did God let me fight this battle if you could not live?
This took away my last precious time to be with you.
Oh, God! I could not understand why it ended like this.
All these years I was puzzled and confused.
I also could not let go of my regrets.
I wanted to write to ask for your forgiveness.
I was not able to be with you until the end.
I did not have the courage to write to you until now.
Now I am enlightened. Now I comprehend.
It is not that I wanted you to live on…
You wanted me to live on…
Going through this fierce battle with the hospital,
I regained my spirit to fight… my spirit of life.
You wanted me to live and not give up.
You wanted me to love again.
You wanted to see me smile again and again.
You wanted me to live.
Ming, I love you!
Today, I finally realize your love for me is extremely deep.
I want to return my love to you.
I will live happily.
Today I received my first trophy for winning my dance competition.
It was then I was enlightened.
I will be the champion of life.
Do not worry, for your love has prepared me to walk on
This champion way of life!
This entry was posted by Alice Lin on November 19, 2011, at 7:50 am and is filed under Uncategorized. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.
In caring for others and serving heaven,
There is nothing like using restraint (harvesting).
Restraint (Harvesting) begins by giving up one’s ideas.
This depends on Virtue gathered in the past.
If there is a good store of Virtue, then nothing is impossible.
If nothing is impossible, then there are no limits.
If a man knows no limits, then he is fit to be a ruler.
The mother principle of ruling holds good for a long time.
This is called having deep roots and a firm foundation,
The Tao of long life and eternal vision.
(Translated by Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English.)
The image is from Harvesting Rice, Agri-Crop | Deped K to 12.
The best way to manage people and serve heaven is to follow the laws of nature just as farmers do when they harvest grain. Harvesting grains is a simple way to follow Tao.
The average scholar interprets it as “being frugal, restrained, perseverant, and stingy.” But if we check the origin of the word 「嗇」(the last word of the first sentence of the Chinese text-治人事天莫若嗇), it has the meaning of harvesting of grain by the farmer. In my opinion, harvesting grain is the best way to reflect the law of natural growth. it is the core idea of Laozi’s Taoism and the essence of “Taoism is natural law.”
The general idea is to do things according to the laws of nature and to practice virtue. Then the practice of virtue will be invincible. There is no limit to the way of nature. When the Tao of nature cannot be exhausted, it is the beginning of a nation. When one knows not what the limit shall be, he may be the ruler of a state.
When he has a firm spiritual foundation in the Tao, he will be everlasting.
It is like the plant which roots are deep and which flower stalks are firm so that they will last longer. Similarly, through the principle of harvesting and cultivating virtue, the ruler will make the country he founds to continue for generations.
For many days, a monk sat alone in a room in meditation, silently. The master saw him there and led him out of the gate with a smile. Outside the temple, there was a beautiful spring. Looking around, heaven and earth were filled with fresh air, green grass buds, flying birds, and flowing rivers…
He took a deep breath and looked at his master, who was now sitting peacefully on the hillside.
After spending the whole afternoon outside, the master got up and, without saying a word, made a gesture for the monk to follow.
Just after entering the gate of the temple, the master suddenly stepped forward and lightly closed two wooden doors, shutting the monk outside the temple.
He did not understand the master’s will and sat alone outside the door, thinking why his master would do this.
Soon it was dark, and a mist hung over the hills and the trees. The sounds of water in the woods, of the streams, and even of the singing of the birds were no longer evident.
Then the master called his name from within the temple.
The monk opened the door and went in.
The master asked, “How is it outside?”
“It’s all black.”
“No,” said the master, “Outside, the breeze, the green field, the flowers, the creek…everything is still there.”
Suddenly, he realized his master’s actions.
When the country is ruled with a light hand,
The people are simple.
When the country is ruled with severity,
The people are cunning.
Happiness is rooted in misery.
Misery lurks beneath happiness.
Who knows what the future holds?
There is no honesty.
Honesty becomes dishonest.
Goodness becomes witchcraft.
Man’s bewitchment lasts for a long time.
Therefore the sage is sharp but not cutting,
Pointed but not piercing,
Straightforward but not unrestrained,
Brilliant but not blinding.
(Translated by Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English )
Picture is taken by Wing at the Sea Galilee.
If we govern the country without playing tricks, playing smart, and do everything slowly and gradually, the people will be simple and honest. On the other hand, if government scrutinizes the people’s every move, burdens the people with restrictions, and intrudes upon their life, it creates an environment where people are forced to become tricky and cunning.
Lao Tzu tells us the truth that woe and blessing have a cause and effect relation. When one is proud, one must know that it is the beginning of disappointment. The feeling of gain and loss in life depends on the opinion of each person. Indeed everything is unpredictable; it changes by the passing of the time and environment so it can be very confusing for anyone to know what to do.
Fortunately, by following the Tao, we will not go astray. Here is what the Tao guides us to do:
Be sharp and pointed but not offending or hurting others.
Be straightforward without being ruthless.
Be illuminated without being flashy and blinding others.
A young man asked a monk: “Master, some people say that I am a genius, and some people call me a stupid person. What do you think?”
The monk asked, “How do you see yourself?” And the young man was puzzled.
“A kilogram of rice is a few bowls of rice in the eyes of the housewife; a biscuit in the eyes of the baker, and a fine wine in the eyes of the brewer. Rice is still rice. Similarly, you are still you, but how much you can accomplish depends on how you treat yourself. So how do you think of yourself?” And the young man was enlightened.
The image is from https://tinybuddha.com/blog/9-powerful-life-lessons-from-studying-with-a-monk/.
Someone asked Picasso: “How can we understand your paintings?”
Picasso said: “Have you heard birds sing?”
“Is it nice?”
“Yes, it’s nice.”
“Now do you understand?”
Buddha: “What is most precious in the world?”
Disciple: “It is the thing you lose and the thing we cannot get.”
The Buddha was silent.
After several years has gone by, the Buddha asked again, and the disciple answered: “The most precious thing in the world is the thing we truly own!